Who'd want to be a man in white?

It could hardly be said that I was in love with umpires during my 18-year playing and coaching career with Coburg. Quite frankly, there were some umpires I couldn't stand. In 1983, umpires Frank Vergona and Roy Groom gave a version of my alleged forearming of Port's Peter Wilkinson that was mystifying. How could they say he had the ball when the video showed I had the ball, we asked? I copped four weeks and we lost the last two matches and missed the finals. Some years later, writing in the VFA Record, Vergona had some unflattering things to say about my playing career. Funnily enough, I'd always found Frank easy to deal with on the ground. His capacity to manage a player's frustration without threatening to report was appreciated by players.

Some umpires were just hopeless and crudely authoritarian. One umpire's decisions were so bad I was convinced he'd let his aversion to my personality interfere with his judgement. From the emergency umpire who reported me at Werribee to field umpire Jeff Ryan who ordered me off in the 1986 grand final, I've seen it all. The Werribee incident was pure farce. After the walkie-talkie broke down and I was in the process of taking a seat on the boundary line the young bloke told me to sit down. Although I gave him a mouth full, the abusive language charge didn't stick. I was a touch lucky, but he asked for it.

Nothing, however, could justify the Ryan report, early in the third quarter, with Williamstown leading by 3 points at the Junction Oval. In the fifteen minutes that followed, the Seagulls rattled on a stream of goals and by three-quarter time we trailed by 9 goals. Although I was past my best, as Coburg's playing coach my battles with Terry Wheeler were pivotal to Willi-Coburg games. We'd finished top and had beaten Williamstown twice during the year. I still say the report cost us the premiership. Not because of my playing ability but the confusion it created for the side and the psychological boost it gave Willi. The charges were thrown out at the tribunal within a couple of minutes and it was clear that Ryan had panicked during the mild melee that led to the report. Later I heard that umpire's advisor, Jim Chapman, had told his umpires to act decisively should Wheeler and I play up. I've never spoken with Ryan about the incident and can't say as I had a warm relationship with Chapman.

Nevertheless, I find it mystifying that AFL coaches are currently on a rampage against the men in white. That doesn't mean commentators shouldn't call a bad decision for what it is, or that AFL coaches should be censored then fined for simply saying some decisions were wrong. However, there is no place for derisive, belittling comments of the kind uttered by St Kilda coach Grant Thomas last week. Saying kids don't want to be seen in umpire's garb in the school yard is not only boorish; it is humiliating for every young girl or boy who takes up umpiring. Thomas should go down to the park and think about the teenage umpires who run the gauntlet of irrational supporters every week. Of course the game is about the players, not the umpires. And of course umpires shouldn't be immune from criticism. But do coaches abide by the same principles. Look at how AFL coaches respond to criticism. 3AW boundary rider Robert DiPierdomenico was almost howling last week when Geelong coach 'Bomber' Thompson made his players sing the club song in private as a retort to media criticism directed in recent weeks. So much for coaches accepting criticism! Imagine if someone had said Geelong was so weak no kid would want to wear a Cats jumper in the playground. Strange as it seems, there's nothing about the way VFL umpires are doing their job in ABC matches that suggests there's any kind of problem.

Bring it on

It's been a big few weeks for VFL presidents. If Tigers president Greg Welsh's attack on the decision to send his team to Bendigo this Friday night wasn't enough, what about Tasmania Devils president Guy Abel's assessment of alignments. 'Apart from a couple of exceptions the AFL clubs couldn't care less about VFL clubs, and nor do the AFL-listed players who go back to VFL clubs. I see no benefit at all in being aligned. This club will never be aligned as long as I'm here, and if I was asked a question by the chairman of a would-be Canberra side, I'd say go it alone, even if the first two years are tough,' he told the Canberra Times a couple of weeks back.

Abel might like to spare a thought for the Frankston Dolphins who could disappear from the finals without anyone knowing. With the game from Tassie confined to the internet, it's a miserable possibility for the VFL's only Melbourne stand-alone club. After such a great year it seems only right that the Dolphins would get to play on ABC TV in Melbourne. Maybe it'll fire the boys up. Interesting enough, the ABC in Tassie has said it doesn't need any Victorian callers should the Devils make it through to the next final. Don't want any biased commentary!

1st Qualifying Final
Friday 26th August
QE Oval at 7.00pm
WERRIBEE vs. Bendigo Bombers

2nd Qualifying Final
Saturday 27th August
TEAC Oval, Port Melbourne at 1.10pm
NORTHERN BULLANTS vs. Sandringham

1st Elimination Final
Sunday 28th August
TEAC Oval, Port Melbourne at 1.10pm
PORT MELBOURNE vs. Box Hill Hawks

2nd Elimination Final
Sunday 28th August
Bellerive Oval, Tasmania at 2.00pm
TASMANIA vs. Frankston